My anger has subsided and been replaced with a smile. A different kind of peace settles into the raw edges of my wounded heart. My smile is bright and clear,no mask.
A re-birthing of a feeling I've not felt in years about myself. Can't go into detail just yet for I don't completely understand what's occurring, only time explain it. I have learned patience (and not the one that used to live at my house!) My tattoo is healing, about as quickly as my heart.
And even though it's being described as raining and gloomy outside, my vision is full of light and joy!
i've been there a time or 2...3...8, hell maybe 10! wisdom certainly becomes u my friend. glad yr healing is on its way, U R JOY!
ReplyDeleteWords cannot do justice to the pain that's been caused, but internal gazes into our experiences, together, should serve as proof that the pain was not intentional. Despite how things unfolded or were presented, you KNOW this thing we share was and still is very real. Despite how things occured, to which I did not do to you intentionally (and you KNOW this), it does not, has not, and will not change...anything. Despite the pain, the love remains. I understand your anger and pain and truly regret that you had to experience it, any of it, but it doesn't alter this reality. SOMETIMES Ms. Hayes, we have to accept that the pretty red bow secures a box covered in thorns, but within that box, IF we take the necessary time to remove the thorns, we find what we've always wanted.
ReplyDeleteSometimes Sweetheart...
Sometimes life presents us with our dreams before we’re ready to have them,
ReplyDeleteSometimes things can become so overwhelmingly good, that we do not stop to think, logically, about our actions.
Sometimes we pray, with sincere earnest, that we are granted what we think we want,
Sometimes those prayers are answered a lot sooner than we expect and what we do is what we want, we don’t stop to think about “don’t”.
Sometimes we’re blessed to find that one who makes it possible for us to breathe,
Sometimes that person brings such warmth, light, energy, happiness, and life, that we’re simply overcome with joy. We’re simply, at that time, relieved.
Sometimes life is not, for once, full of challenge, difficulty, pain and hurt,
Sometimes we find that life can be worth living, we can be the king or queen we want and for once be first.
Sometimes the difficulty of relationships is no longer a mystery and it becomes as easy as the daily breaths we take to live,
Sometimes we’re presented from the ancestors and the energy field with a gift so wonderful and beautiful that the challenge is no longer how, but the amazement at how much we want to give and give and give.
Sometimes we’re presented with brief glimpses of what our life can be and we get caught up in that probable inevitability,
Sometimes, due to how these glimpses make us feel, we forget to take a step back and reassess, we forget that that future is not now, that we still have work to do, we forget that “It’s not the right time” quite simply.
Sometimes we see her, our angel, and we’re overcome with emotion,
Sometimes that way she makes us feel, through her touch, her smell, her very essence, blinds us to what should be done.
Sometimes we falter and we hurt that which we so deeply desire and love,
But the pain that we cause is NEVER intentional, for who would hurt their personal gift from God, who would hurt that enveloping essence of life, that which surrounds our heart and makes it beat from every direction: left, right, below, and above.
Sometimes we make mistakes, creating for ourselves our own personal hell,
Sometimes we become human and need understanding and forgiveness, for the true nature of what we feel has been proven (time and time again), so the love shouldn’t be questioned, but the lover simple held.
Sometimes we cannot stop the inevitable; we simply have to take the ride,
Sometimes life gives us no choice, but the answer is NEVER to cower, run and hide.
Sometimes…we need time…to do what we should have done from the start,
Sometimes the love has to take a back seat, to heal the hurt and mend a broken heart.
This love that has no equal should be embraced, not discarded because its essence is still true and pure and these times are mere tests,
We shouldn’t squander the blessing because of life’s obstacles; sometimes patience…is all we need to accept, wallow in, and live life’s very best.
Sometimes that pretty red bow secures a box covered in thorns,
But within that box, if we take time to work through the thorns and see what lies within, We find what we’ve always desired and been looking for, we find THE love, THAT love, OUR love, that we know all that is positive and good wants us to have
Sometimes…it takes time
Sometimes…it isn’t pretty
Sometimes…it hurts
Sometimes…it IS worth it
Sometimes…you KNOW
Sometimes…is now!!!
Sometimes...one needs to accept and realize what is reality and what is fantasy. As you impose upon another's peace for the satisfaction of filling a void within yourself that you are intentionally creating...is it love? Is it fair to ask someone to wait for a "some time" that may never come and when it does...will the window of opportunity for that experience just have passed on, thus leaving those "past" feelings to be put in the archive.
ReplyDeleteRecognizing what exists is one thing. accepting it is another...one can forgive and not forget in order not to step on those "landmines" again. Truth or not, to act upon something that is forbidden and harms more than heals should not be touched at all. I say this to myself as well.
In our humanness, we give in to the flesh, the lust, the immediacy of satisfaction which characterizes our selfishness and greed as a species.
Sometimes...peace is worth more than a temporary high
Who’s to say what is reality and what is fantasy…other than the persons who share that space? If both parties believe, even if the current “reality” cannot be completely enjoyed, is it not their reality? If they both exist in that space, is it not “real”? Per your definition of love, no…that isn’t love; however, that wasn’t what was seen, felt, shared, or experienced…at least not from this perspective. Imposing on another’s peace for the satisfaction of filling a void was not the case…as you present it.
ReplyDeleteThe supposed imposition was, from this perspective, to create, enhance, or simply add to the “peace” being pursued; to be a part of something wonderful and make it better; to allow a few moments of pause and breathing. MY “void” was filled BY the “imposition”, i.e., you. So yes, “Imposing on another’s peace for the satisfaction of filling a void…as you present it, in the negative, is bad and wrong; however, when presented from another perspective., of someone seeking to heal two hearts, and was successful, that imposition was/is not a bad thing. The fact that pain was caused is unfortunate, but unavoidable. NO creation comes into fruition without destruction… Unfortunately, again, from this perspective, the void has returned due to the absence of the peace I KNEW existed, the peace I asked and prayed for and was blessed to experience.
No, it isn’t fair to ask someone to wait for a “sometime” to occur, which is why the question hasn’t been posed. However, as I pray for that “some time”, I am confident that what was experienced cannot, will not, “just have passed on”. What was experienced may be able to be placed in an archive, but that archive will NOT be filed on a shelf in a corner somewhere forever. The same way the heart of my “peace” was awakened and reenergized, so too shall that awakening reoccur. I have no doubt about what exists, what is real, or what is……the reality of us.
I agree. The recognition of a truth doesn’t necessarily give one authority to indulge. I also agree that to act upon a forbidden truth which causes harm and/or hurt is also wrong. As previously stated,
“Sometimes life presents us with our dreams before we’re ready to have them,
Sometimes things can become so overwhelmingly good, that we do not stop to think, logically, about our actions.
Sometimes we pray, with sincere earnest, that we are granted what we think we want,
Sometimes those prayers are answered a lot sooner than we expect and what we do is what we want, we don’t stop to think about “don’t”.
Sometimes we’re blessed to find that one who makes it possible for us to breathe,
Sometimes that person brings such warmth, light, energy, happiness, and life, that we’re simply overcome with joy. We’re simply, at that time, relieved.”
Sometimes…the temporary high is temporary no longer and that ever elusive peace becomes a permanent fixture in your life, a permanent place to exist. The question is, will you be there when the storm has subsided and the bliss that you’ve experienced returns? Where will you be when what you’ve experienced and so desire and deserve comes knocking with the readiness, willingness, and availability required to be yours?
Will you remember and venture out of your mind and into my own?
One is ONLY able to speak from their own autobiography...for they truly KNOW no other perspective as well as their own. So with this..My reality is PEACE...
ReplyDeleteRelationships are for the purpose of enhancing, growing and/or nurturing self. We learn something from each one. I have learned and appreciate that I do still possess the ability to feel however I need to be more careful of what I wish for, as it will come in packaging that may not be suitable for consumption.
I don't ascribe to the belief that there is that ONE person for anyone. I believe there will be be MANY people who are able to touch and spark within us something so intense and pure that we have no choice but to MOVE from where we were.
I can not however deal in the lies and deceit of another's soul only to satisfy my own shallow needs. For IF it were MY time...all would be right...This was NOT.
Was I a pawn, a light at the end of your tunnel showing you that there is HOPE for what you desire? Maybe...however to move to that light be it me or some other soul requires a sacrifice that many are not willing to take.
I do not seek to further indulge in things that I KNOW will cause me pain and anguish.
I do not seek to further cause another heartbreak
I do not seek to further pursue something that is soooo restrictive to my spirit
I do not seek to further experience what is NOT for me to know inside of another that is NOT for me to claim as my own.
Instead I accept that it was a transition. a subtle gift from the Universe that I am still who I believe I am at my core and there are others that see it as well.
Instead I accept that THIS is NOT a blessing but a curse and I have prayed and accepted the block that has been placed around me to prevent me from further damaging what has already been harmed.
I accept this lesson...
and return to a silence within myself that I have neglected for the noise of you.