Seeking Peace

My girlfriend said remember who I AM. in my mind I whispered "Peaceful Groove"
She repeated my words back to me.  Be careful what you put out there. You are a brilliant writer and no doubt you need to be mindful with your talent so it does not turn against you .    I know she's right.
Much too often we, in anger, say and do things that we good about in the moment releasing, (my recent voicemail message)  yet, feel later and most times are not clear where it came from.  I know better now.

Yes my heart hurts (it was sooo damn fragile to begin with I never ...yes my self worth is shattered...again. However because I have different and more effective "tools" this time around I know how to heal differently. I refuse to hide and stuff my pain or disappointment and I won't destroy those that cause me dis-ease, in the process.

I give my word. I KNOW that I have that ability to destroy with vengeance. 

I'm going to shed this brokenness ,not  piece it together but this time I'm going to let it completely DIE away.  Let it go.  NO hate or revenge (even though I said I HATED HIM) I don't.  For once in a long time with him, I felt alive again.  I actually felt sexy, pretty and attractive.  I felt more like a woman that I have in years and I wasn't faking it. He reminded me of that side of me I shut down almost a decade ago.  Was that his purpose in my life?


So i'm laying down my armor, my machetes and venom to completely re-lease...re-rejuvenate...and re-create ME.

I will to the best of my human ability not fall prey to such blatant abuse of LOVE again.  In THIS lesson I am reminded that there are no substitutions, replacements or duplicates of REAL LOVE.  There is ONLY LOVE and it don't PLAY at all.

I instead choose to stand before my Ancestors...naked, bruised, and broken READY to be REBORN through their hands, love and guidance. 

I'm READY.... to be made READY to be the ME I was born to be