Black hole

That black hole feeling is back again. The one that appears when I realize that I'm in a relationship that is going no fucking where.  When the red flags are so damn huge and waving that they choke me as they slap me upside my head.  Once again, I gave too much. I thought I had it all under control. I knew better than to get involved with someone so fresh out of a relationship. I knew better than to believe that it was me that he wanted to be with.  I knew better and still I didn't listen to me.

So the black hole opened up and now I'm inside it again.  No boundaries, no sight at some intervals...no air. I can't breathe because the wind has been knocked outta me by REALITY.  I tried to rationalize things however when I sat, alone in silence as prescribed by my godfather...it was soo damn loud I swear my ears were beginning to bleed. 

He's just not that into you chic.  He is not thoughtful or transparent. He is not decisive or wanting to be with you. You KNOW this you KNEW this and yet you in desperation to not be alone...opened up to him anyway.  So now I sit inside this black hole and I know that I called it forth. I fed it. 

I wanna cry but why shed tears for such familiarity?